on cottonheads
Thursday, June 7th, 2007sleep-deprived hormones tend to work less efficiently but this sense of ligth-headedness is one of my favorite sensations. i call it the state of being a cottonhead.
cottonheads are fun to be with, especially with the right dose of alcohol and the right mix of high-wired emotions. and it gives the perfect excuse for doin’ stupid and more-stupid stuff that can be a basis for blackmailing a person in the future. aahhh. the story of my life =o)
being a cottonhead for almost ten years now, i guess the stupid part overtook my sane mind cause i never see things the way i’m supposed to and i always have a perpetual need to be irritatingly masochistic, my specialty being self-inflicted delusions and futile exercise of unrequited sincerity, be it to passions or to persons. but as always, i find the perfect rationale for my actions.
i’m placed in a circumstance that i never thought would be possible in my lifetime and i am left without choice. the decision was not made for me. someone else took away my capacity to decide for myself.which is more preposterous for me since i always believed that there is a choice in whatever one may do. thus, the need to formulate a word to cover for the seeming blunder in my existence. i am getting into my cottonhead mode.now.
anyway, i love being a cottonhead. at least i have a fallback…an excuse for whatever that may continually go wrong in the series of unfortunate events that never seem to get any freakin better. but this one time, it’s not my choice.i hate that. i like to attain my cottonhead state only through unreasonable amounts of alcohol intake or perrenial insomia attacks.
huh? it wasn’t me..it was the cotton in my head that outweighed the sane choices and the logical ways of the real world. thank God for a crazy mind. in my eternal denial to acknowledge despair and my childish clinging to infinite hope of better realities,i strongly remain a cottonhead. ain’t making mistakes always fun? ;o)
